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Last night, a group of parents and community members gathered together as a follow up to last week’s talk on “Creating Socially Healthy Communities” with Kim John Payne.
As we know, work is being done at school by the teachers and staff to give more focus to this topic.  Specifically, a preview and review process—focused around recess in most of the classrooms—and an effort to address every “put down” an adult overhears among students.

To support this work, the focus of last night’s gathering was to discuss how parents can move forward with meaningful social inclusion work, beginning with ourselves, in our own homes and circle of close friends.  

Kelly Salasin-Deane and Vanessa Redfield, two of the parent reps to the Social Inclusion Coordinating Group (SICG), guided a discussion around what social behaviors are important to each of the parents.  The group considered questions like:  What behaviors are important to you and your family?  What social behaviors would you like to see some change in in your home?  What are some of the “burning” social issues that you see as needing more attention?

Most bullying begins with teasing, and teasing begins with put-downs (disrespectful talk and body language).  So, as a way for parents to take action, if they choose, Kelly and Vanessa introduced the group to the “Put-Down Diet (PDD).”

The PDD is a three-week commitment to increasing one’s own awareness around the words, the thoughts, and the body language that occurs in our interactions with other people.  The members of the SICG and some staff have piloted the PDD.  And now, a small group of parents will pilot the Put Down Diet as well.

If you’d like to do the Put Down Diet, the basic steps are listed on the reverse.  Please talk to Kelly, Vanessa  or Susan Kunhardt if this sounds interesting to you and you’d like more information about this.  You’re invited to pilot this in your own home, if you choose!

As parents and community members, we have the most influence and ability to shape our children’s social behavior in our homes.  The intention behind the role of the parent reps on the SICG, is to guide parents as they begin discussions and take small steps in ways that are meaningful to each individual family.  The intention is to support the work being done at school with our own efforts at home.  The parent reps will also share parents’ work/ideas/thoughts/questions with the SICG so that they can communicate to the teachers and staff.

The next parent gathering will be Thursday, December 10th, 7pm in the Library.  The group will look at other social behaviors of mutual concern.  Please come out and share your voice if you feel so moved.
Social Inclusion Highlight
Parents’ Link to Social Inclusion

The Put Down Diet

Week One:
Become very conscious of the put downs you use.  This includes both verbal and non- verbal/body language put downs.

For the whole three weeks, each night reflect on your progress.  Try to do this in a self- forgiving way that explores what it was that was bothering you at the time, and emphasizes how you might do it differently next time.

Some reflecting points:
•    When opportunity offers, one should handle a situation more wisely than previously.
•    Experience is a rich treasure, and one should consult it before doing anything.
•    Watch the actions of yourself and others and compare them to the ideal—but gently, not critically.

Week Two:
Become very conscious of the put downs that form in your feelings and thinking.  Of course, also stay conscious of the verbal and non-verbal put-downs.  Continue to reflect each night.

Week Three:
Become very conscious of the put-downs you hear around you and try to intercede and shift the conversation.  You may use any common sense strategy to attempt this, but in particular, you may wish to try the Disapprove, Approve, Discover & Do-Over (DADD) steps outlined below.

Disapprove
“It’s not okay to do/say things like that in this family.”  (Don’t overreact, just address it.)

Approve
“You’re a better kid than that.”  (Separates the child from his/her behavior or language.)

Discover
“What was bugging you just then/today?”  (Address this step when it seems most appropriate for the child.)

Do-Over
“Let’s work out how to say/do that in a better way.”  (Helps child realize s/he can fix things and learn new ways to deal with others.)